dredpiratebunny | (no subject)

you know, one thing i hadnt counted on by moving out here was just how much id miss my family and my life and my friends. i was so used to being gone but i always came back. this time is different. and yeah, just like being on the road, i do have friends here....but none of them are really "mine". they are second hand for the most part. they have adopted me in, so to speak, but my history lags. i have had such good times with my local friends and its hard to rehash those good ol' days with folks who werent there.

i miss my spontaneous getaways to the beerworks with

chalkhorsegirl

i miss being a part (somehow) of the pastimes crew.

i missed out big time just recently when my big brother came to town and i couldnt be there. granted, id still be here anyway for the bristol show, but still...if there was money around i might have been able to meet up with them in california.

i feel better lately though....like im reconnecting with myself. putting away things that im done with, trying to re-embrace the strong independent woman i was while on the road. shes coming back to life.

i think the boy and i will be talking soon..ive definitely come up with some ways to talk about it, and some of my thoughts will hopefully work out. it seems my problem is that i always see the potential men have, then get disappointed if they choose not to grow. maybe that explains everything.

i was thinking that i really do hope that my ex has found a good place to be. he does deserve happiness too, of his own kind. i hope that she can balance him out better than me. i suppose i have little hope that he'll ever stop lying, but i guess i hope it all the same. i dont know how our roads will cross again, though i am sure they will at least for his remaining few months at eeldrytch. my heart is big, there is room in it there to wish him all the best.

i suppose even though it seems to be an entry full of lament, i feel pretty good. its nice to kind of have a direction after all these months.

oh, and there might be stairs soon!...the deposit goes down this weekend!...i may take a week off when i have them to laze around at faire and organize the upstairs. woot!