dredpiratebunny | countdown to mobility

...this whole moving to wisconsin thing was going to be good...just the right thing, making me hopeful that i might truly find peace and build a new life for myself...it still feels right...but all the plans shattered and crumbled...every solution kicked in the gut and laid to rest...ive been through plan a, plan b, plan c, and on and on...so now i am left with this: i will go by bus or train or plane...i will put all my things in storage...i will have to bring my rabbits to the animal shelter because i can not find a home for them...they were my responsibility and now ive wrecked it...i will only be able to bring 2 suitcases of the many things i own and put my fate into the arms of the world that i might for once prosper and do good with my life...i wanted to say goodbye to this place...and now still i am bound to it...this is worse than a jealous lover...this makes the rainy days pull at my heart...

...i spend more time curled under my blankets wishing it away...i ought to be packing...i ought to be figuring things out...supposedly by this day next week ill have moved...but what am i holding on to here?...other than the strings of familiarity...the daily reminder of the life i thought i was to have, the dark cherubim sits at the worktable, and does he know?...does he finally see that he is missing out?...he said to me the other day that he didnt want me to leave...stupidly, it hurt...why now does he cling?....but truthfully, i am relieved to be going...and he will fade into the past...

...i will not give up...i will adapt and breathe...somehow, this will all turn out...