anyone see a pattern here?

[dredpiratebunny]

hmmm..still not sleeping...oh well...tonight it was the parade of lovers telephone night...the current and some ex's called all right in a row...der...

...today i think i finally snapped...emotionally worn down and out...i always knew my tattoo and piercing would betray me...no plasma donation for me...i didnt even think of it being a problem, but i cant donate until a year passes from date of last body modification...so i just finally felt as if all was at whits end...then when matt called and said he couldnt talk...for some reason that just pushed me over...i really needed to feel cared about tonight by him...(he didnt pay his phone bill and it got turned off...so he called from his work phone real quick to let me know)
...stupidly, it made me cry and have a mini pity party...only for a minute....honest...then i just felt plain silly...needless to say body and mind felt out of whack and i spent most of the night holed up and away...just needed to be alone...not communicate for a while...which was good, since everyone decided to call after that :) not complaining..it was quite nice....helped to bring my mood up a bit too...

...the regret thoughts have been seeping in...make them stop!...i dont want to regret coming out here..i want this to be good...i want this experience to make me a better person...i want to be able to give back something to those who have helped me along the way...some people just never realize what an impact they can make on a life...
...and from here?...where to?...

...insomnia is holding its breath for me
my personal cacophony cradling me in
defying gravity and loving the ground all at once
desiring peace like perfect-smelling fabric softener
a glass of water full enough to stop aching thirst,
empty enough to be reborn again...

Comments

[aiwendel.livejournal.com]

eep hope you feel better soon!

have you tried lavender oil aromatherapy stuff to help with insomnia ...
works best when combined with a huge boring tome that you really should read but don't particularly want to...
and a mug of milk n honey.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[dredpiratebunny.livejournal.com]

thanks for the tip :) ...ill see if i have something like that

[eetmewithtoast.livejournal.com]

You should go to NYC. I'll meet you there in a year or two, that's where I'm headed.

Seriously, I think you'd be happier somewhere more urban.

Where would a Pirate Queen fit in well, besides New York City? New Orleans, of course. San Francisco, Seattle, or Burlington might excite her. Montreal, certainly, if she wanted to be in the country next door.

I'm a bit too poor for travelling to New Orleans, San Francisco, or Seattle right now. But I'd show you around NYC or Montreal at the drop of a hat. Both would be more fun in early Spring, however.

[dredpiratebunny.livejournal.com]

let me find some booty to use and id be happy to go...ill keep you informed :)

[tiamatlady]

I'vee been thinking of you, but I don't want to call, launch into a rant or launch YOU into a rant and jack up your phone bill.

Email me a number I can call you and when. I have free long distance and nights and weekends, so I can call you. Or text me.

I wish there was something I could do. I'd hire you, as muscle, Captain, and all around hot Office Babe. but I don't have an office. *sighs* *hangs head in shame* Let me know if you need anything, except the ear, which is yours whenever I can. *hugs*

[dredpiratebunny.livejournal.com]

..thanks babe!...call after 10 pm your time...i get good nights and weekends :)
...yeah, i was revisiting london/cambridge in my head and thinking bout you and poetman...despite the craziness, i really did like it there...*sigh*...someday i will be working again!!