musing the myriad maze
Aug. 15th, 2005 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dredpiratebunnythe night gives me too much time to think.
i dwell.
for no good reason.
i type in the basement.
does this make me a cellar dweller?
looks like i can be snarky even underground.
so much has come together for me and there is still that gaping hole...its not filling in....and frankly im not sure i want it to. not sure what i want to do with it right now. i dont want to fill it with the wrong sort(s) of things. because a hollow doesnt stay filled for long, it digests the molecules within, tears off the gravity on my soul.
the path goes off into the distance. i guess i am settling myself in for a long journey. i knew it was coming. i cant see past the fog. but the horizon is there. how my genetic core fights against this standing still, this magnetic floor, leaden feet.
what good are wings when gravity always wins?
and yet i know, unerringly, this is where i need to be.
i can see that somehow i will blink and it will be september....then october....and on and on.
there is no difference in this.
there is appetite for sure, but no craving. a tearing of the insides with such a dilemma. return to my old ways or move on....still not sure. and not sure that i really care.
there is much in the grey of my brain that has yet to reveal itself to me.
i dwell.
for no good reason.
i type in the basement.
does this make me a cellar dweller?
looks like i can be snarky even underground.
so much has come together for me and there is still that gaping hole...its not filling in....and frankly im not sure i want it to. not sure what i want to do with it right now. i dont want to fill it with the wrong sort(s) of things. because a hollow doesnt stay filled for long, it digests the molecules within, tears off the gravity on my soul.
the path goes off into the distance. i guess i am settling myself in for a long journey. i knew it was coming. i cant see past the fog. but the horizon is there. how my genetic core fights against this standing still, this magnetic floor, leaden feet.
what good are wings when gravity always wins?
and yet i know, unerringly, this is where i need to be.
i can see that somehow i will blink and it will be september....then october....and on and on.
there is no difference in this.
there is appetite for sure, but no craving. a tearing of the insides with such a dilemma. return to my old ways or move on....still not sure. and not sure that i really care.
there is much in the grey of my brain that has yet to reveal itself to me.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 02:21 am (UTC)Flight is the balance between hopes and fears.
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Date: 2005-08-16 01:15 pm (UTC)(:3
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Date: 2005-08-16 10:31 pm (UTC)Besides... you promised you were psychologically "uninteresting" - and I'm holding you to that! ;)
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Date: 2005-08-16 10:48 pm (UTC)right now im just trying to stay focused on me and working.
*sigh* this is hard because i enjoy my social interaction a lot.
oh well...
no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 11:44 pm (UTC)*shrugs* That sucks.
right now im just trying to stay focused on me and working.
Good luck!